Leave father and mother to form a new “we”
Marriage does not abolish filial devotion, but it creates a new family unit that must be able to make shared decisions about where to live, money, Tết, care for parents, and how to receive advice. Clear boundaries can protect family affection for the long term.
Vietnamese Catholics may express veneration for their ancestors with photographs, incense and flowers, respectful bows, and prayer for the dead, provided these gestures are not given a meaning of divine worship or superstition.
Suggested reading: Genesis 2:24; Sirach 3:1-16; 1 Peter 3:15-16. The couple both forms a new family and preserves filial devotion while explaining the faith with gentleness.
Mixed marriage and disparity of cult require a concrete plan
A marriage between a Catholic and a baptized non-Catholic is a mixed marriage and requires permission; marriage to an unbaptized person encounters the impediment of disparity of cult and requires a dispensation for validity. No one may be forced to become Catholic. The two persons must speak clearly about faith, children, ancestral rites, and each family's participation.
Which issue between our two families is most likely to become a competition: where we live, Tết, finances, care of parents, religion, or raising children?
Prepare a one-year calendar of feasts, death anniversaries, and obligations to both families; mark points of religious difference and discuss them ahead of time with your families and the priest responsible instead of waiting until the last moment.
References
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Family, Society, and Both Extended Families
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